Tag Archives: writing

CREEM LETTER TO THE EDITOR #1

CREEM is the only magazine to ever print letters to the editor worth reading. They were hilarious and came in two categories. Irate letters from people who didn’t get the magazine (more on this in a future post) and loopy letters from crazy people. I had two published.

The first one was published in the February ’87 issue with David Byrne on the cover.

Mantle of Shame Descendeth Again!

What's the problem? One issue he is worthy of your most generous accolades, the next month, Alpo. I'm talking about a veritable icon of metal music and rock hero of our time, David Lee Roth. OK, so Christgau gave him a B+. Altman's impertinent commentary on the "Yankee Rose" video--wardrobe stolen from Stryper? Please! Gene Simmons might note the influence, but I say it's just coincidence. C'mon Billy, the guy has 400 pairs of tights. Quit nit-picking.

And what is Rick Johnson's problem? I'm all for employing the brain-damaged, but let them do something harmless--like host Wheel of Fortune. And the lousiest album he's heard in years? And he backs up this grandiose allegation by grumbling about lawn chairs and commemorative spoons. Just who pays this guy anyway? The album is great and the musicians are the best and Rick-John sucks! And not to change the subject, but what happened to Def Leppard? I don't want to be unsympathetic, but I think they've gotten enough mileage out of the ol' Rick Allen's arm excuse. They should call their next album Who? or, better yet, Who Cares? I'm sick of waiting for this mythical album. Entire civilizations have been known to rise, fall and disintegrate into dozens of solo projects in the time it's taken those bozos with their crummy record.

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I wrote “veritable rock icon” — can you believe it? I loathe the word “vertiable” – it stinks of “too lazy to find a good word.”

They supplied the title. The letter is in response to Roth’s Eat ‘Em and Smile that I did buy but never listened to a whole lot. It wasn’t such a great album. I was going to include a link to his official website but it’s lame so don’t bother. You can see I’m not so loyal to Dave anymore. But I was fanatical on everything Van Halen and DLR back in the day.

A lot of this letter is in-jokes that only a person who read and re-read the magazine (or edited it) would get. I’d explain them to you but I can’t remember.

The Def Leppard thing has to do with the endless wait after Pyromania, which came out in 1983 and I kid you not, I probably heard that record 2000 times. I listened to it once a day for over a year. Hysteria came out in August of 1987 and promted another letter to CREEM which I will find and post later but now I’m hideously late and must get my overfed Thanksgiving ass on the move.

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Catastrophic Failure Part II

Nope, I take it back. I was not being too dramatic yesterday. This whole thing went tragically bad. I basically lit $390 on fire. Actually, lighting it on fire might have been more fun. Good things: got to hang out with lots of cool friends and have fun joking around and they were all supportive and encouraging even in the face of every single person I talked to hating it. By the last guy I was almost laughing and when he pointed out what was wrong with that I said, “Yeah, you aren’t the first person to notice that this weekend but I didn’t think I should tip my cards before I sat down.”

So, what next? I. Don’t. Know.

My decision is to not make any decisions until after Labor Day. Until then I’m going to enjoy summer and do fun writing (meaning just fool around and not try to work on a project). After Labor Day I’ll sit down and decide whether to work more on this thing or start something new or take a class or talk to Lewis & Clark about law school.

Meanwhile, I’m off to a movie.

Oh, and last night Bob and I watched a SPECTACULAR movie: Barbarian Invasions. It’s a foreign film and I won’t summarize it because it will sound too depressing and you won’t want to see but really, fantastic characters and a very well-wrought emotional story. We loved it.

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Catatrophic Failure

Okay, that’s a little dramatic. But today’s trip to the writers conference was not optimal and it’s kind of ironic since I wasn’t even planning on going and sort of talked myself into it at the last minute (before the prices went up.) I should have known I was in trouble when I put on my nice slacks this morning and they had some bizarre crap on them … I think it came from the iron. That’ll teach me to iron (something I only do once or twice a year). I also ironed my hair which was a hopeless gesture since it rained like nobody’s business for half the day and I went from my straight look to my curly look in mere moments. But back to the slacks — I’m not a clothes horse to begin with. I only have about 3 decent outfits and here it was the last minute and I had to make a switch.

From there I drove to the conference and the organizers moved to a new location this year and I don’t think I’m alone when I tell you this is a miserable mistake. At 8am there was no parking. Nothing. This doesn’t have to be a problem but you’d think they’d have someone in the parking lot to direct you to an overflow lot or something but no. I went through various scenarios like parking in the airport longterm but then I’d have to hike a couple miles back in the pouring rain with no raincoat or umbrella (these are two things that are *always* in my car … why not today?). Then I thought to pay regular airport parking prices and take the Max to the hotel but no Max stop anywhere near the hotel. I finally parked awkwardly and illegally like others were doing.

Then no one could find my name tag. Another line. I did see my friends like Marc, Mark, Myra, Susan and Bill — so I had people to chat with. I’m pitching a horror movie and my first guy didn’t like it and asked what else I had and I pitched Little Friday and he asked to see that. (Ironic note: last year most of the people I pitched to didn’t like Little Friday and when I told them about the new one — which was only a scrap of an idea at the time — wanted to see that.) My 2nd pitch was a spectacular tank and the third one went well. I came straight home and began to guzzle refreshing adult beverages.

I logged on to see what’s been happening with Big Brother and now I’m going to eat and watch a Freaks & Geeks. I get to go back tomorrow.

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Confession

Laugh at me all you want but I’m telling you, Big Brother 5 is the most entertaining thing on TV this summer. I tried to watch Amazing Race b/c everyone seems to like it and Brian worked on it but, honestly, watching people run around in a hurry trying to catch planes and find their way around foreign lands was TOO stressful for me. I have enough anxiety in my life, I don’t need to voluntarily add any more. Meanwhile, BB5 is a bunch of people stuck in one place — perfect for my inner-introvert. (Is my introvert even “inner” isn’t it just me?) So everyone has been in the BB house for 5 weeks and the twist is they’ve had this set of twins playing and swapping out every couple days and if they made it to tonight without anyone discovering they were twins, then both twins would get to play in the house. So it was the big reveal and it was the best thing I’ve seen all summer. If you’ve been watching the show, you know about these jerky guys — like the worst egocentric, too much testosterone, too full of themselves guys on the planet and they’ve been in control and full of themselves, and tonight one got voted out and then they lost the head of household competition. I was screaming my head off. Then their faces when the twin thing was revealed. I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Then Bob and I watched another Freaks and Geeks which is such a great show and never should have been cancelled. Every single episode contains a moment that is so painful you squirm in your seat and want to leave the room. Tonight Nick has Lindsay over and he punched in an 8-track of Styx “Lady” b/c the song said things he couldn’t say himself. It was CLASSIC.

Meanwhile, Willamette Writers Conference starts tomorrow and I need to be there bright and early. I’m attending FRI and SAT and this year I’m doing 6 meetings for my latest project. Think good thoughts for me.

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Bit That Guy’s Head Off

omigod. I put 4 more volumes of the pamnewsletter online this weekend. I’d try to type a URL for the blog but I’m afraid the process would force me to put my eyes out. You’d think transfering the pages over to the new site would be easier than it is, but for some reason I slightly altered my folder structure and it’s making everything a giant pain in the ass. What was I thinking?

It took me about 15 minutes just to get the Secrets of the Louvre link right. I was ready to dropkick Yoda (my iMac) into the backyard before I finally got it right. I think I still have a few screwed up links but I’ll leave those for another day.

Tonight we went to McMenamins in Vancouver for dinner and I had the hummus plate. I should have my own hummus restaurant. It’s my favorite food. I can’t believe there is a www.hummus URL — I typed it into my computer as a joke.

I’m reading my manuscript Little Friday this weekend because I’m doing a writing workshop for specifically that in a couple of weeks. I haven’t looked at it for 2 years and it’s not as dreadful as I had convinced myself. There is some tweaking to be done, but I still think it works. More on this exercise as it develops.

This weekend there was free cable because the shameless money grubbing capitalists better known as AT&T are doing a drive for our tax refund checks. Bastards. (Long, long rant omitted.) I taped Pitch Black because I always wanted to see it and I liked it — esp. when that thing bit that guy’s head off in a spray of blood. We also taped Trekkies and all I can say is, don’t miss this movie. I can totally relate to the obsessed fandom and I am happy that it exists in this country — but mygod, are there some freaks in that universe. Fun freaks, but freaks, nonetheless.

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