Green Machine

Today the Portland Timbers did a Make-A-Wish event where they played a game against the Green Machine, a team of 8 year olds. The event was in honor of Atticus who found out he had cancer when he had pain while playing with his team last year. He missed their final match because of his treatments.

He wanted his wish to include his teammates.

3000 fans attended the match which was during lunch hour. The supporters group made special banners and signs and revised the chants in favor of the Green Machine. There is no way to convey how amazing it was to be a part of this event.

There’s a great video recap here.

The Oregonian has a terrific photo essay here. There’s also a Facebook photostream here.

Even Deadspin couldn’t come up with anything bad to say about it.

A few highlights:

The Green Machine won 10-9 with Atticus scoring 4 goals including the game winner.

The post game remarks note: “It was the first loss for the Timbers since March 9.”

When the Timbers came onto the field they were booed and serenaded with around of “Go home you bums.” They also got booed every time they scored. The Timbers team captain Will Johnson was busted with a couple of fouls and was booted out of the game with a red card while his teammates protested.

In the first half the Timbers fielded 4 players and I don’t remember how many the Green Machine had, maybe 8. In the second half the Green Machine’s entire bench was on the field and it was hilarious watching the Timbers try to do anything when surrounded by Green Machine players.

At the end of the match, the team captain traded jerseys with Atticus and then put the tiny jersey on.

Updated to add: Here’s a better video clip. The whole thing is great but the bit when the Green Machine see their locker room is priceless.

Posted in TIMBERS! | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Cold Call

I usually avoid writing too much about work but this isn’t about my employer so I think it will be okay.

Not long ago a copier salesguy came by the office to tell us about his company. In my career I have told approximately 20,000 of these guys to take a hike but on this day, I was interested.

I welcomed him in, told him we would be looking at copiers soon. I showed him the copier we had and what the terms were and explained what we were looking for.

Him: Can you give me a copy of your copier lease?

No, I said.

He returned another day with his manager and they continued their spiel and brought some pictures of copiers and told us about some other services that we’d expressed an interest in.

Them: Can we get a copy of your copier lease?

No, we said.

Later I asked for a good faith estimate that we could use for our budget to take to our boss. I gave him at least 3 weeks. Two days before the I needed the numbers I followed up and asked if he could get me an estimate. Didn’t hear from him.

Over a week later I got an email.

Him: Can I get a copy of your copier lease so I can get you that estimate?

No, I said, and it’s too late anyway.

Later I told him we were seeking proposals and I sent him a sheet explaining what we were looking for and reminded him what we already had and what we were paying.

He sent me back an email that said what we were looking for didn’t need a proposal and they would lease us a machine and charge us based on what we used.

For reasons not related to this story, we’ve had to delay getting the new copier.

I just about dropped my teeth when a few weeks ago a different salesguy from the same company came in here to ask me if I was interested in talking about copiers.

I told him the entire backstory and he made an appointment to bring his manager in.

I had to cancel it because we had something going on here and when I called he informed me that *he* had to cancel and was intending to tell me this, “soon.” He would call back to reschedule.

And I’ve never heard from him.

Clearly, we decided not to do business with these people a long time ago. Colleague has asked me to stop talking to them.

But I’m dying to see how far this thing will go. How many times we can ask and still not have one useful piece of data about what their company can do for us?

[Note: I updated the post to clarify that they wanted to see our copier lease.]

Posted in doing it wrong | Tagged | 2 Comments

In Reference To The Stoves Required At This Post

I don’t like to wear sunglasses. I feel like I can’t see when I have them on. I have an sunglasses holder in my car and every once in awhile it will be super bright out (only about 3 days a year in this neck of the woods) and I’ll reach into the holder for sunglasses. Only there are never any glasses in there because I don’t wear sunglasses.

A few weeks ago it was really bright out and I reached into the sunglass holder and found these. We got them as a promo at a game last year but I don’t remember putting them in the car. They don’t really help with the whole, “I feel like I can’t see when I have them on” thing.

This morning I finished George Saunders. Then I picked up my Siskiyou County Historical Society publication.

With very little editing, the “Selected Entries from Military Notes from Fort Jones, 1852-1858″ could pass for a George Saunders story. It’s hard to find even a brief quote that conveys the dark hilarity of these letters. The gist of this particular exchange is that Fort Jones needs some cookstoves because they either have to cook outside or with some sort of stove that has chimneys made of mud and don’t draw well and all the food is sooty.

Here’s a tidbit from a letter from D.A. Rupell dated January 4th, 1855:

The condition of the chimneys, and the means now used for cooking, are a most serious annoyances to the officers, and a source of very great dissatisfaction among the men — and as the cost of material at this place with which to build proper chimneys would be very great, the length of time which must elapse before they could be completed, and the entire uncertainty of their being fit for use after they are completed, I think it would be a matter of economy, as well as justice for the A.A.Q.M. to purchase two cooking stoves for the above purposes if such purchase would be allowed by the Department.

Naturally, I have no sympathy since the letters also discuss one of the troops’ main purposes for being there: operations against the Indians. The book is called the Siskiyou Pioneer and Yearbook, 2012 and if you want to get your hands on a copy, try the gift shop.

Posted in doing it wrong | Tagged , | Comments Off on In Reference To The Stoves Required At This Post

The Shower Door Disaster of 2013

Two weeks ago I was wiping down the shower doors and they got gummed up so they wouldn’t slide on the track. In the process of trying to fix this, I knocked one of the doors completely off the track.

I very quickly learned that these shower doors are made of actual glass and weigh a million pounds. There was a split second where I was certain I would win a Darwin Award for bleeding to death in my own bathtub after cutting off my foot with a shower door — all because of cleaning.

I was able to control it enough to not hurt myself and screamed my head off and my husband ran in and lifted the thing off me. There was a handful of glass shards in the bottom of the tub and the door was chipped in one corner.

Once I got over the thrill of not being hurt, we had two problems. (1) The broken shower door and (2) the giant gouge in the tub. Also keep in mind that we aren’t even finished paying for this bathroom yet.

As is well documented here, I’m not good at household things and don’t want to invest any time getting better at it. I wasn’t even sure where to start. The people that remodeled the bathroom retired about 5 minutes after they cashed our final payment so that wasn’t an option. I went through the file and wrote down what I thought were relevant notes and I took a few photos of the shower door and went out for round 1.

First, I went to a local glass shop because they’ve replaced a couple of windshields for us and were always nice and I figured if they couldn’t help us they could at least point us in the right direction. I was wrong. It would be too long and boring to tell you the whole conversation but you can get the idea from this: after I explained what happened the guy said, “What do you want me to do about it?” He also told me that usually if tempered glass gets hit hard enough to chip, it shatters.

Eventually he was able to point to something in my notes that is apparently the manufacturer so I went online and found the local rep for that and phoned and the line was disconnected.

Meanwhile, my husband received my unhappy texts during this adventure. He saw a glass place when he was out and about and ran in there and they were super nice and helpful. They knew the company that did our remodel. They knew the manufacturer. Someone came by to look at the damage. He told us that he’d never seen a door chip like that and not shatter.

Why is this used to make shower doors?

He said he’d put together an estimate for us. I don’t know what this is going to cost us but I am hopeful that I will soon have a brand new, million pound, shatterable shower door.

For the gouge in the bathtub, I spent a goodly amount of time reading disheartening things online about gouged bathtubs.

After what I deemed enough responsible research, I found a do-it-yourself kit that looked promising but asked me 100 questions about my tub. Did you know that some of the color choices are: Artic, Snow, Cloud, Linen and Béchamel? (Barely exaggerating). White, I kept insisting. Then there was something about how to tell what kind of tub you have and you sand the gouge and then smell it. My bathtub smelled like my shampoo which was not one of the choices.

I made my best guesses and went through the order screens. When I got to the end, the shipping and handling charges added another 50% to the cost. So I said, Screw you. I’m not doing that. What the hell are “handling” charges? It’s like when you buy tickets and they charge you a $5 convenience charge to print them yourself. If they were shipping me an alligator I could see charging me a fee. But not for sticking some painty stuff and sandpaper into an envelope.

I did some more research and found the company that made my tub and they had a number to call. I got that lady on the phone and we had to go through the same questions about what color my tub is and what it’s made out of and what product line it is, because that’s something a person should keep track of. And we get to the end of that round and then she said it was out of stock.

She said they buy it from someone else and gave me that number and that’s when I talked to St. Nancy of New Jersey.

St. Nancy was super friendly and helpful and explained to me how she used the product on her sink.

“Are you handy or can anyone do this?” I asked.

“My husband says I have 4 thumbs,” St. Nancy said. “But I think I’m handy.”

My fix-it kit arrived the next day. At first I rigorously followed the directions but the filler stuff just shrunk and brushed out of the dent. So I gave up on the filler and tried to make light coats of the chip filler. That wasn’t looking so hot either. The directions said, “Whatever you do, don’t just glop it on.” But when I glopped it on the gouge was covered.

Not pretty but if it works, good enough for me.

Posted in doing it wrong, home improvement | Tagged | Comments Off on The Shower Door Disaster of 2013

The Saturdays

This is from the reserves match earlier this week. We sat in the club seats. There was rain, hail, cold feet and a pretty sky. You can kind of see the hail in this next one:

Last week was another busy and tiring one. Apparently at my advanced age I can’t do everything all the time.

Yesterday I had some downtime. Last night I slept like a champion. And today I am trying to do everything again.

Posted in TIMBERS! | Tagged , | Comments Off on The Saturdays

From One Talking Rock to the Other

Check out this giant green rock that looks like the Hulk’s head. I should have put something in there for perspective. I would photoshop something in there now if I had time. It’s about the size you’d expect the Hulk’s head to be.

Today my story The Medicine Woman of Talking Rock is up at Podcastle. Thanks go to guest editor Tina Connolly. It’s originally from Red Tape Stories from Indian Country.

I still haven’t listened to it. Maybe on my lunch hour. Another busy day and I apparently left the phone I don’t know how to use somewhere. I’m hoping the kitchen counter. I have an incredible knack for making my life more difficult right now.

Remind me to tell you about the great shower door disaster of 2013.

Posted in doing it wrong | Comments Off on From One Talking Rock to the Other

Technology Is My Friend

Guess who turned 50 today? Julian Lennon and Donita Sparks.

Since I’m turning 50 this year I’m paying attention to other people who are turning 50 this year. On several occasions I’ve made half-hearted attempts to collect information on people and things turning 50 thinking I could do something “hey, 50 is happening” with it. (ex: “Hey, The Birds is 50.”) But then it seems overwhelming and kind-of depressing.

We’ll see how I rally when the day comes.

So, that weird noise you heard last week?

That was me getting a smart phone. Now there are only 12 people left in the whole world who don’t have one.

I’ve had good reasons for not wanting on. I don’t need another gadget that I don’t know how to work. I hate having a full time distraction device that I can carry with me. I think it’s a ridiculous amount of money that I could use for something else.

I caved so I can tweet at Timbers games.

That’s not the entire reason. Also, peer pressure.

We were having burgers before the reserves match yesterday and I was catching up on Twitter and I said, “Hey, now we’re those people who look at their phone at the restaurant instead of talking to each other.”

It was a major milestone.

I still barely know how it works. I got up to page 30 in the 338 page super guide I bought before I got tired of looking at a book about a phone. I realized this morning that I still don’t know how to make or receive calls but since then I’ve gotten two robo-calls and turns out I could do it without the superguide.

Posted in doing it wrong | Comments Off on Technology Is My Friend

Anniversary Teacup

When my sister and I were fairly young, we bought my parents two teacups for their wedding anniversary.

There was this fancy store in the shopping area where my Mom did her grocery shopping. It was the kind of place where you bought crystal bowls for wedding gifts.

I don’t know how I got the idea but I decided we were going to do this so we scraped together our cash and went to the store and picked out two fancy teacups.

One broke so there’s only this one left.

The person on the staff who helped us was very nice and I remember thinking at the time that we were so hot-shit grown-up buying fancy gifts at a fancy store. I’m sure they were amused.

The reason I bring it up now is my parents recently celebrated their 54th (?) wedding anniversary and my sister arranged for them to get a fancy room at hotel in Ashland, Or. where they were going to see a play.

When my Mom thanked me, she mentioned the teacups. She said she asked my sister why we picked this pattern and my sister replied, “They were the cheapest ones.”

Posted in pamily | Comments Off on Anniversary Teacup

Missing Object Anxiety

Bob and I both suffer from a condition we call Missing Object Anxiety. It mostly happens when you are on vacation and you compulsively check your pack or your pockets over and over for your room key, your wallet, your passport. Your room key, your wallet, your passport. Your room key, your wallet, your passport.

In its most extreme form, it causes a burst of panic where you are convinced that you’ve lost something and there is nothing more important right at that exact second than to stop everything and take every single item out of your pack or pockets until you find that item.

When I get over-extended like I have the past couple of weeks, my entire life starts to feel like a Missing Object Anxiety attack. It feels like there are things I’m missing but I can’t possibly stop and take everything out to release the stress so I remain in a state of hypervigilence, repeatedly checking my keys, my wallet, my cellphone. My keys, my wallet, my cellphone.

Our property taxes are due at the end of April but the bill comes, I think, in February. I put it in the place where I put all the bills I pay and wrote on it with big block letters with the due date. Plus I put a big note on the calendar in April that said property taxes were due. Meanwhile, several times over the last few weeks I’ve had these moments of hair-raising anxiety where I was certain I forgot to pay it.

One day I was checking my bank balance and I realized the check hadn’t cleared. Except later I also remembered that I hadn’t even written the dumb check yet. I finally transferred the money into the checking account and paid it so I could stop fretting about it.

Sometimes I wish I could take all my things and spread them out so I know it’s all there.

Posted in doing it wrong | Tagged , | Comments Off on Missing Object Anxiety

Spoke of a Wheel, Tip of a Spoon

Toes ran over to say Hi when I went out to take pictures.

So what the hell has been going on with me? I have had the most amazingly busy past 6 weeks. I think the entire time there were 3 days when I didn’t either have a late night after work or have company or some other event or activity going on. Or I was out of town.

It was all great stuff and great people just too much packed all together. I normally won’t do so many weeknight things but they were all things I didn’t want to miss.

And now I will tell you about one of these events: Patti Smith at the Crystal Ballroom. I have seen Patti a bunch of times. For example: 2001, 2005, 2007, and 2010 and think she’s terrific.

And she was. But I did not enjoy the show even a tiny bit.

At this point in my life, I very rarely enjoy going to see live music. I don’t enjoy standing in a crowd for a show, jockeying for a view. I don’t like to stay out late on weeknights. (I get up at 5:30am to catch a 6:30am bus; I need a really good reason to stay out past 9:30pm.)

After this show I told Bob: never again. Don’t even ask. Here’s how serious I am: not even for Paul Westerberg.

But here’s the part of the evening that pushed me over the edge: these two little brats pushed up behind me and then would not stop talking.

“Can you see?”
“No, can you?”
“No.”
“That’s too bad. I thought maybe we could see.”
“Yeah, it’s not fair.”

And so on and on and on.

Hard cheese little girls. (I’d estimate their ages to be 21 years, 5 minutes). When you’re short and you stand in a crowd you can’t see. I’ve been going to shows for longer than you’ve been alive. That’s how it works. There are at least 30 feet of taller people between me and the stage. What is whining in my ear going to accomplish?

I finally suggested to them, that not only could I not see, now I couldn’t hear.

Well, they showed me because for the next half hour they let me know in great detail, their feelings about me. Keep in mind I never said another word to them.

To summarize their grievances:

I was unsympathetic because I am tall. (People, the only reason I can still pass for 5’4″ is because I have incredible posture.)

I should just leave if I’m uncomfortable

I was probably too old to do things like that.

And the capper: Patti would be disappointed with me.

Because clearly, I was the bad guy here.

They finally got bored and left but I was never able to enjoy the show.

(Edited to add: To be honest, I probably would do it for Paul Westerberg. But ONLY Paul Westerberg.)

Posted in doing it wrong | Comments Off on Spoke of a Wheel, Tip of a Spoon