I Couldn’t decide on a title so we have three:

Stephenie Meyer is Saving The Economy

or

I Can’t Believe I Set My Alarm to Go See a Movie That Made Me Laugh Out-loud. At it.

or

I Switched Teams: Go Jacob

I don’t even know where to start with this.

I am a veteran of the first-show-of-the-day-on-the-day-the-movie-opens-but-not-midnight-showing going back to 1983 when Episode VI was released when I was in college. I was not a person who ditched class but I retrieved my car from the far-reaches of dorm parking and snuck off without telling anyone what I was doing. I drove to downtown Santa Barbara at 9am and waited in line with five other college students who I’d never met before but who became my best friends for the next couple of hours. There was only a handful of people in the theater but I think that fact that I was supposed to be doing something else made the movie even better.

Since then I’ve seen lots of stuff. I saw Episodes I – III on the first day. LOTR I-III the first day. Both Narnia movies. Probably Golden Compass. Probably the second Matrix movie but not the third. I think one of the Harry Potters. I’m sure there are others.

I have never seen anything like I saw this morning.

Backing up a second. I ended up getting home later than expected last night. I thought about driving by the theater to check out the Twihard action on my way home but I was tired and hungry so I skipped it. I got online to double check that the 6am shows were still on. If I understand Fandango correctly: the 11-plex that’s a couple miles north of us sold out eight midnight shows. Before I went to bed there were still three midnight shows on sale and a 3am show.

I was going to a different theater, downtown, which had sold out three midnight shows and added 2 more. These are just the two theaters closest to where we live.

By the time I had eaten and wound down last night I was in bed late (for me) but I set the alarm. When it went off it was dark and rain was beating against the window. I couldn’t do it. But I woke up again 45 minutes later and decided to go for the 7am. I grabbed my shopping list (for after) and zoomed downtown completely prepared to be watching a movie with three other lame people.

The parking lot was full. I have seen this parking lot full one other time — a Friday evening when Bob and I went to see something, possibly Kill Bill. At 6:50am the cinema parking lot was full. Well, there were two spots and I took one that was next to a post so I had to climb out through the passenger door.

There was one TV crew there and one morning radio crew. I put my money on the counter and the kid said, “What did you need?” Really? Hm, 7am. What are the choices?

The lobby was nuts. There were people, excuse me, women and young girls buying t-shirts and jewelry and taking their pictures next to cardboard cutouts of Bella and Edward. My show was in one of the big theaters and it was at least one third full. I’m still having a hard time believing all this.

All the trailers were for romantic movies. There was a Nicholas Sparks thing, a Michael Cera thing which I guarantee the trailer showed the best parts no need to go see it, something with Romeo and Juliet and a letter, Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. There was a trailer with RPattz and the theater went silent.

If I ever get my hands on a time machine I’m going to go back in time and destroy everyone responsible for the notion that all visual entertainment must be accompanied by an emo soundtrack. WTF? Someone points to a YouTube clip of a hamster trying to crawl out of a paper bag. Cue: angsty guitar music with breathy vocals. Every trailer. argh! Every quiet moment in the movie. argh! Can we just watch something without someone trying to beat us over the head with the emotion they want us to feel?

So what did I think of the movie?

Speaking of Twilight in general, I don’t think I’ve ever been so thoroughly entertained by something that I think is so awful.

I enjoyed it but I laughed at it. A lot.

When Jacob took off his shirt the first time, every woman in the audience gasped. Jacob is so way better than Edward. I’m totally switching teams.