December 3, 1994

Hi Everybody:

Happy Holidays and welcome to the Pam Newsletter now in its 4th big year. In an astonishing repeat of 1993, entropy reigns. It's true, there are no new and interesting events to report and believe me, I know it could be worse. Do you ever read biographies of people and wonder -- if someone was writing my biography how would they make it interesting? What moments would be identified as dramatic turning points? Like for me would it be when I couldn't compete in my gymnastic meet because I got the chicken pox like, the day before? Or how about the time I fainted onstage at this chorus performance? Actually, that was my sister. The point is, what I do isn't nearly as interesting as what I think. So this year I use my Yuletide greeting as a platform for my opinions, thank you.

WOMEN & MEN

The following are excerpts from a real book: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by an "expert" named John Gray. Check out this excerpt from Chapter 10, title: Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex. Dr. Gray lists 101 Ways a Man Scores Points with a Woman. I list a few of my "favorites." #5. Give her 20 minutes of unsolicited, quality attention. (don't read the newspaper or be distracted by anything else during this time.) #11. Offer to help her when she is tired. #28. If she washes your socks, turn your socks right side out so she doesn't have to. #33. Wash before having sex or put on a cologne if she likes that. #37. Be patient when she is sharing. Don't look at your watch. #56. Drive slowly and safely, respecting her preferences. After all, she is sitting powerless in the front seat. #63. Offer to sharpen her knives in the kitchen. #71. Offer to carry the groceries. #72. Offer to carry heavy boxes for her. #79 Show interest in what she does during the day, in the books she reads and the people she relates to. #86 Laugh at her jokes and humor.

IS THIS GUY SERIOUS?!?!

Women are really supposed to give men points for doing these things? Why stop there? Why not give them points for having a job or peeing in the toilet?

And how about women? Can we get points for say, not opening his mail? How about we put down the remote control when the TV is on during sex? THIS BOOK WAS ON THE BEST SELLER LIST!! In some alternate reality, apparently this stuff makes sense.

ON HAIR

We live in a culture that gets grossed out if a woman has hair on her legs or under her arms. Yet nobody thinks twice about a man who grows hair under his nose. That's right above his mouth. I think the moustache is about the most useless facial accouterments in the history of facial accouterments. I'm equally enthusiastic about beards and whatever other scruffy tufts of facial hair that seem to be all the rage lately.

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PHOTOGRAPH: Me and Sinead on her second day on the planet. Photographer: Uncle Barry?

This page was made on December 3, 2000. Featured artist: Paul Westerberg. Featured beverage: water. My computer is a much loved lime iMac named Yoda. My software is BBEdit 5.0 which I am barely competent at using and Dreamweaver at which I am even worse.

http://www.pamrentz.com/pampage/xmas/v4/p1.html